I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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