wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
