how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
