i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
How does one acquire holy water?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
