question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
