Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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