Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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