Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
