Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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