i think my tv is drunk
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
