Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
