So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
