He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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