FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
