I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
