Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
