she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
