oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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