In the future we'll all be gay
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
