I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
