He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The uberlube is also flammable
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
