im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
