You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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