We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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