Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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