I cockslap morals
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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