apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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