if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
