She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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