I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
