omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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