She is in my trunk
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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