Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
