Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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