I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
