Tell her she can't have a vagina
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
