No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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