so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
