we have officially lost it.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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