Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
