This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
