Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
