I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
