did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm both gender and math confused
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
