You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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