remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
