i love accidental penises.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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