Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
