My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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