just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
