I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
